• Courtney Witt

Are you holding on too tight?

The last few days have been a challenge. We are scheduled to go on vacation in a couple of weeks and we are going to have family photos taken. The outfits were all picked out, and mine was the last to arrive. When it came, it was nowhere close to what iI expected it to be. That really sent me into a tailspin. My outfit didn't look right. I was never gonna find anything that fit. I've just let myself go and on and on and on.

I let that mindset derail me for the rest of the day. I let myself fall into the trap of negative thinking and negative self-talk.

It really caught me off guard and I couldn't figure it out. I sat down and tried to meditate. I tried to let it go. I was just angry and I probably was angry at everybody else the rest of the day, as much as I tried not to be. I couldn't figure out why I was so upset. I knew it would come to me and I sat with it for a while.

It wasn't until the next morning that it really dawned on me, why this was such a big deal? Because, it really isn't in the grand scheme of life. I can buy another dress. I can wear shorts and a T-shirt if I really want to. I was holding too tightly to this idea that I had in my mind of what the family photo should look like, and how we should all be presented. In reality, none of that really matters. What really matters is that we're all present for the photo. What matters is that we are all healthy, happy and that we are enjoying ourselves. It doesn't matter what we are wearing. It matters that we show up.

I don't know why I had such a tight grip on this picture that I've created in my mind. Perhaps, it had more to do with the way that I feel I should present myself than it had to do with anything else. As much as I speak to everyone else to find the beauty within themselves and to realize what’s inside is what matters, I lost sight of that in myself. I lost sight of my priorities very quickly. One small hiccup in the road sent me spinning.

My loving husband, reminded me that all of the things that I would say to someone else I should be saying to myself right now. He was right. It helped me put things back in perspective and put focus on things that are really important?

Why do we hold so tightly to the pictures in our minds, the ideals, and ideas that we expect from ourselves? Why is it so hard to just be ourselves? Maybe it’s because when we look at Social Media and on the internet, we see all of these beautiful people doing these fantastic and fabulous things, looking perfect. That is amazing for them. Sometimes, we think that’s the way we should be. That those are the things that will make us happy. Sometimes it leaves us to feel as though we're missing out and falling short.

Please don’t ever feel that way. You can be happy right where you are doing exactly what you’re doing.

We must love ourselves first. Love ourselves always. Remember, it doesn't matter what we wear, what we drive, or where we live. What really matters is the love within our hearts and homes. It’s the love that we share with our families, friends, and strangers that makes a difference. If we lose sight of that, we need to pause, and take a step back. Re-evaluate our priorities. 

This incident was very humbling for me. I thought I had grown beyond the self-depreciation and that deep, dark insecurity. However, it’s still there with lessons to be learned. This time it showed me that I have more work to do. More work toward loving, forgiving, and accepting myself as I am.

We all have more lessons to learn. Our struggles are not to be hidden away but shared with each other so we can learn together and from one another.

The next time you are met with a challenge, pause. Take a step back. Breathe. Remember your priorities. Re-focus and re-align with what really matters.

See the Light. Be the Light. Embrace the Light Within.

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